the soapbox: Vacay 2012 Part 4: The things cougars say

Here comes part 4, the finale! I hate to end reminiscing on such a lovely vacation, but it's been drawn out long enough. Welcome to ~~hit on Ian~~ dinner time.

Ian and I love a good meal. Especially, when it's being served to us... with wine.

On the cruise, we looked forward to dressing up and going to the formal dinners, at first.

We had the same assigned table for every formal dinner and we had the sweetest waiters that served us each night. We got to know them very well, and they would do table tricks and fun napkin folds for us. (Like make binoculars. I made Ian pose like this. Please don't think he is enjoying this, or thought of this himself.)

The food was tasty and our waiters would let us order two appetizers, two desserts or an extra entree to share if we wanted. Awesome!

We sat at a table of 8. On the first night everyone showed up...

1. Ian and I

2. A young couple from the Tampa area. They were on their honeymoon.

3. A couple from Hong Kong. They were in America for a couple weeks on vacation.

4. Two nice ladies that go on cruises together a lot. They are from Wisconsin and one of the ladies, who earned the name Cougar, has her own real estate company. Her friend works for her. They said they have been going on cruises together for years (together, or with other friends, or with significant others). They go on 2-3 cruises a year. (must be nice!)

This was Cougar's first cruise since her divorce after 40 years of marriage. She was in a pretty good mood considering the circumstances...like on the prowl...

Dinner day 1: Cougar and her friend were super helpful with cruise, food and casino tips. They were the experts, and we loved all the information they were giving us. They told us about Wisconsin, their jobs, family, ect. Towards the end of dinner, Ian got up to go to the restroom and Cougar, noticing the obvious, stated thaIan was very tall.

Yes, he is as tall as our cruise cabin was wide.

Then Cougar asked me...

Cougar: "Is Ian a model or did he play basketball?"
Me: "Yea Ian played basketball in college. But, no he is not a model." smile.

When Ian returned to the table Cougar continued to Ian...

Cougar: "You are very handsome, you know?"
Cougar's friend: "Yes, you are."
Cougar: "Have you considered going into modeling?"
Ian: "Thanks, not really."

Very nice. We moved on and went our separate ways after dinner.

Dinner day 2: Two of the couples didn't show up for dinner, so it was just Cougar, her friend, Ian and I at our 8 person table. Dinner began with us all recapping the night before and day 2 activities. Cougar's friend had won over $200 on the slot machines. lucky duck.

Cougar's friend: (knowing from previous conversation that Ian is not a model) "I swear I saw your photo in one of the cruise shop windows. Well, it looked exactly like you. It was an ad for something."
Me: "You mean the cologne advertisement with Matthew Mcconaughey?" (One of the only advertisements in the cruise shop windows.)
Cougar's friend: "Oh, hehe, yea that was probably the one. You look just like him."
Cougar: "You just have great hair... and you are just SO good looking. You should really get into modeling."

Somehow we managed to get through this conversation and the awkwardness of what now was clearly these two women hitting on Ian.

(Chopped liver over here was just trying to keep the conversation moving...away from MY husband. All I could count on from Ian was shy smiles and awkward laughs. Oh, Ian.)

Look! Cougar on the loose!

Dinner day 3: Cougar and her friend did not come to formal dinner because they went on a long excursion in Cozumel. Phew. We did end up running into them at the casino that night where I could brag that I won $60 on the slot machine for MY man... batches. cha ching!

Dinner day 4: It was just the four of us again. We began the evening with the same old conversations recapping our day, and dinner was looking pretty calm. I got a compliment from the waiter on my dress (chopped liver, no more!). Then Cougar got her camera out and asked to snap a picture of Ian and I. sure.

Then Cougar proceeded to steal a quick photo of just Ian. what!!!!

At some point during the meal Cougar mentioned Ian's good looks again.

I went with it...

Me: "Yea, geez, I better find an agency when I get home. ha. ha." fake smile. (OK lady we, get it!)

To conclude our meal, a waiter came around with adult dessert shots.

Someone: "What kind of shot is that?"
Waiter: "It is bailey's and amaretto almond liquor."
Someone else: "What kind?"
Waiter: "It's a XXX (really bad name for a shot. something intimate.)
Everyone: "Oh, haha."
Cougar: "Ian, I bet you want one of those!"

(ahhhh....excuse me!?!?!?! The next few seconds after this comment are very blurry to me and Ian.)

During the aftermath of chaos (in my head...breathe, breathe, breathe, Savanna. Come back from the dark place you are going and put your fork down.) I'm pretty sure Cougar said something else along the lines of "...what I would do to you."

Ian and I talked about this after dinner...and again later and that is what we both think we heard. But, maybe she said something else, and we both "heard" the most horrific thing possible?

Luckily, dinner was over and this was the last time we would EVER see Cougar and her friend.

the end...of Cougar.

I wouldn't say I was jealous. It was more like...~~severely~~ annoyed. I know Ian loves me. He tells me all the time, and always has the right thing to say in the right moment. (Me on the other hand ... I'm better at writing my feelings.) Ian gave a toast to us (me, not Cougar) on our first cruise evening, "Cheers to a long marriage, good times and never ending love." Aw! So sweet!

On that note, you get one last glimpse into our honeymoon (this year).

happy honeymoon! XO