the soapbox

It may appear from my blogging thus far that I have my $*!% together. (Or, maybe you think I should live in a padded room?)

But, I have bad days too. There are days when my cute little dog misbehaves. When my house betrays me at the worst possible timing (like when I had to replace my refrigerator and dishwasher the week of my wedding). Or when ~~rare~~ proud baking moments turn into disasters (like when I made brownies for a get together and someone found a piece of my hair in a brownie).

What is worse then a day like that?
Two weeks of that.

(this post should really be multiple posts, but I'm going to cram as much negative as possible into the digital world all at once, so we can move on. I'm hoping that the internet can take it far, far away away from here :)

I guess I should have suspected that after 10 days of sun and fun, that real life would come down on me like a hail storm.

It's a terrible thing when you feel like Lady Luck is laughing at you for days from her four leaf clover shaped castle.

When Ian and I got back from vacation, after a terrible trip home on Sunday, we had to jump into Monday exhausted and irritated.

My wonderful brother, Sean, drove Piper, our yorkie, to us half way from Indianapolis (where she was staying with my family). Ian met Sean near Fort Wayne on that Monday evening and we got our little fur baby back. It was joyful.

Except when we got Piper back, probably due to confusion and anxiety, she took leaps and bounds backwards on potty training and she was peeing in her bed every night.

why does she have to be so cute?

Piper also has decided that she likes to eat grass now. So, when we go outside to go to the bathroom, apparently it's snack time.

please just go to the bathroom.

This week Piper started chewing on our dining room table again. We had this issue with her when she was a baby, and we took care of it by spraying bitter apple spray on the table legs. Most of Piper's adult teeth are in and we thought she was done with this stage of her life. I was cleaning up after dinner one night and noticed some new chew marks. annoyed.

frick frack

I'm still not done venting (no pun intended....keep reading).

I don't really like surprises, good or bad. Being a planner and a perfectionist, surprises don't have a home here. Especially, when it is combined with Piper being a poop.

One morning before work last week, I took Piper's bed upstairs to the laundry room because she had an accident. As I approached the laundry room, I heard something I have never heard before in my house...in any house. Screeching and muffled movements of something.

is something in here? HOW did something get in here? is there a wild beast in the dryer?

I bravely checked in the dryer. nothing. Then I checked behind the dryer. Ah, there is a wild beast trying to claw it's way out of our dryer tubing. Wait, WHAT!?!?! I screamed for Ian. He got out of bed and he calmly and intelligently suggested that there might be a bird in our dryer tubing, not a wild beast. (Our laundry room is on the second floor.)

Me: "Who can we call this early?!?!? Ian! Who can we call???? Ian, why aren't you saying anything. Can we call that guy that fixed our dishwasher and shower? Oh! I know! what about your dad????? (They live on a farm and deal with animals all the time.)
Ian: "My dad is already on his way to work (40 min. away)."
Me: "Do birds have diseases? Will it hurt us? Wait, let me grab some rubber gloves and a shoe box!"

By the time we got our supplies and unhooked the dryer tubing, the bird had already found it's way back out of the house. thank goodness.

We realized that during our vacation, the beast bird family had built a nest in our dryer tubing. With further inspection, we also found that lint had caused our dryer vent to get stuck open, which allowed access for the birds. (go check yours!)

We had to replace our dryer tubing because the bird had ripped it. Also, we replaced the vent with one below that has a screen to prevent this from happening in the future.

new dryer vent

thanks honey!

I wish I could tell you "that's all folks." no such luck. These next few points will help you to understand the extent of my stress during this time:

- I had a very dirty house that I had to clean. Piper peeing everywhere was not helping. (I typically clean on the weekends, and I was gone 4 weekends in a row because of vacation, an unplanned weekend in Indy and a planned weekend in Indy to drop Piper off and my dad's birthday.)

- Laundry was out of control because our dryer was out of commission (until we had time to get the tubing, vent and fix it).

- We were/are dog sitting for a family member. She came over the morning of the bird in the dryer fiasco. (don't get me wrong, we love dog sitting! It just took a few days for Piper and her friend to warm up to each other. Also, our little guest wouldn't eat for 24 hours, so we were a little worried. Everything is fine now, and we think she is helping with potty training Piper.)

- Our side door lock stopped working, so we had to replace it.

- This was all in addition to a couple of challenging weeks professionally.

As events unfolded over the last couple weeks, I could count on Ian for advice such as, "It could be worse Savanna, you could be in the ground." How morbid.

I have had to really dig deep for some perspective. Savanna...be thankful you have a dog, a husband who can calm you down, a house and a job.

And yesterday (friday), just as I was SO ready to say goodbye to another crappy week, and hello to a hopefully relaxing and enjoyable weekend...Lady Luck had different plans.

Last night I had planned to bake two dozen cupcakes that needed to be dropped off at church in the morning for a bake sale. Ian had plans with his brother, so I rented a girly movie. Also, my mother-in-law was going to come by later to use my oven to bake her cookies (for the same bake sale, because her house is under construction).

What a nice way to end a crappy week...bake for a good cause! I sipped my wine. I mixed my ingredients. I poured the mix into the baking cups. I preheated the oven.

Billows of smoke started pouring out the oven. crap. I forgot Ian had told me he spilled garlic butter in there one day this week (and didn't clean it up). I turned the oven off and removed what I thought was the problem out of the bottom of the oven.

I turned the oven back on and billows of smoke continued to come out of the oven.

At this point my house is full of smoke. I turned off the oven. seriously? seriously.

Oh, it can self clean. Yes, I'll try that! It was 7:30pm at this point and Ian's mom was coming over in a half hour. I turned on the self-cleaning process and it looked like it's only going to take 3 minutes. perfect.

10 minutes later....Why is my oven still cleaning itself. Oh, no! Was it 3 HOURS????

I called Ian's mom and she confirmed my oven would be out of commission until 11pm. I screwed up her night and mine. She didn't end up coming over. I didn't watch my movie. I called it a night.

I woke up early and baked my cupcakes. I only have a one pan, so when the first dozen were baked, I went to pour the second dozen and I ran out of mix on cupcake # 22. I failed at baking 2 dozen cupcakes for church.

You know what LADY unLUCKy. Go you know what yourself. I am going to have a great rest of the weekend, and next week is going to be fabulous. and the next. and the next....

Update: I wrote most of this post this morning. Ian and I have had a great afternoon finishing up some landscaping we started last Saturday. Last Saturday wasn't too bad either. (There was just a lot of crappy days before and in between.) I will share some photos of both projects soon. It's going to be WAY positive because nothing else can possibly go wrong (knock on wood).

Better luck to you! XO

Here comes part 4, the finale! I hate to end reminiscing on such a lovely vacation, but it's been drawn out long enough. Welcome to ~~hit on Ian~~ dinner time.

Ian and I love a good meal. Especially, when it's being served to us... with wine.

On the cruise, we looked forward to dressing up and going to the formal dinners, at first.

We had the same assigned table for every formal dinner and we had the sweetest waiters that served us each night. We got to know them very well, and they would do table tricks and fun napkin folds for us. (Like make binoculars. I made Ian pose like this. Please don't think he is enjoying this, or thought of this himself.)

The food was tasty and our waiters would let us order two appetizers, two desserts or an extra entree to share if we wanted. Awesome!

We sat at a table of 8. On the first night everyone showed up...

1. Ian and I

2. A young couple from the Tampa area. They were on their honeymoon.

3. A couple from Hong Kong. They were in America for a couple weeks on vacation.

4. Two nice ladies that go on cruises together a lot. They are from Wisconsin and one of the ladies, who earned the name Cougar, has her own real estate company. Her friend works for her. They said they have been going on cruises together for years (together, or with other friends, or with significant others). They go on 2-3 cruises a year. (must be nice!)

This was Cougar's first cruise since her divorce after 40 years of marriage. She was in a pretty good mood considering the circumstances...like on the prowl...

Dinner day 1: Cougar and her friend were super helpful with cruise, food and casino tips. They were the experts, and we loved all the information they were giving us. They told us about Wisconsin, their jobs, family, ect. Towards the end of dinner, Ian got up to go to the restroom and Cougar, noticing the obvious, stated thaIan was very tall.

Yes, he is as tall as our cruise cabin was wide.

Then Cougar asked me...

Cougar: "Is Ian a model or did he play basketball?"
Me: "Yea Ian played basketball in college. But, no he is not a model." smile.

When Ian returned to the table Cougar continued to Ian...

Cougar: "You are very handsome, you know?"
Cougar's friend: "Yes, you are."
Cougar: "Have you considered going into modeling?"
Ian: "Thanks, not really."

Very nice. We moved on and went our separate ways after dinner.

Dinner day 2: Two of the couples didn't show up for dinner, so it was just Cougar, her friend, Ian and I at our 8 person table. Dinner began with us all recapping the night before and day 2 activities. Cougar's friend had won over $200 on the slot machines. lucky duck.

Cougar's friend: (knowing from previous conversation that Ian is not a model) "I swear I saw your photo in one of the cruise shop windows. Well, it looked exactly like you. It was an ad for something."
Me: "You mean the cologne advertisement with Matthew Mcconaughey?" (One of the only advertisements in the cruise shop windows.)
Cougar's friend: "Oh, hehe, yea that was probably the one. You look just like him."
Cougar: "You just have great hair... and you are just SO good looking. You should really get into modeling."

Somehow we managed to get through this conversation and the awkwardness of what now was clearly these two women hitting on Ian.

(Chopped liver over here was just trying to keep the conversation moving...away from MY husband. All I could count on from Ian was shy smiles and awkward laughs. Oh, Ian.)

Look! Cougar on the loose!

Dinner day 3: Cougar and her friend did not come to formal dinner because they went on a long excursion in Cozumel. Phew. We did end up running into them at the casino that night where I could brag that I won $60 on the slot machine for MY man... batches. cha ching!

Dinner day 4: It was just the four of us again. We began the evening with the same old conversations recapping our day, and dinner was looking pretty calm. I got a compliment from the waiter on my dress (chopped liver, no more!). Then Cougar got her camera out and asked to snap a picture of Ian and I. sure.

Then Cougar proceeded to steal a quick photo of just Ian. what!!!!

At some point during the meal Cougar mentioned Ian's good looks again.

I went with it...

Me: "Yea, geez, I better find an agency when I get home. ha. ha." fake smile. (OK lady we, get it!)

To conclude our meal, a waiter came around with adult dessert shots.

Someone: "What kind of shot is that?"
Waiter: "It is bailey's and amaretto almond liquor."
Someone else: "What kind?"
Waiter: "It's a XXX (really bad name for a shot. something intimate.)
Everyone: "Oh, haha."
Cougar: "Ian, I bet you want one of those!"

(ahhhh....excuse me!?!?!?! The next few seconds after this comment are very blurry to me and Ian.)

During the aftermath of chaos (in my head...breathe, breathe, breathe, Savanna. Come back from the dark place you are going and put your fork down.) I'm pretty sure Cougar said something else along the lines of "...what I would do to you."

Ian and I talked about this after dinner...and again later and that is what we both think we heard. But, maybe she said something else, and we both "heard" the most horrific thing possible?

Luckily, dinner was over and this was the last time we would EVER see Cougar and her friend.

the end...of Cougar.

I wouldn't say I was jealous. It was more like...~~severely~~ annoyed. I know Ian loves me. He tells me all the time, and always has the right thing to say in the right moment. (Me on the other hand ... I'm better at writing my feelings.) Ian gave a toast to us (me, not Cougar) on our first cruise evening, "Cheers to a long marriage, good times and never ending love." Aw! So sweet!

On that note, you get one last glimpse into our honeymoon (this year).

happy honeymoon! XO